3. Building for a future I wasn’t supposed to have

“They say that love is forever
Your forever is all that I need
Please stay as long as you need
Can’t promise that things won’t be broken
But I swear that I will never leave
Please stay forever with me”

~Sleeping With Sirens “If I’m James Dean, Then You’re Audrey Hepburn”

Courtesy of Rise Records

I met the man who would become the father of my future children in Japan. He had switched assignment with a girl in my class in tech school, back at Lackland AFB. He had actually been dating one of the girls in my class, but was further along in his training. He was toting around an acoustic guitar and walking by the dorms when I was headed home from work. He worked at the dining facility and I worked at the gym. Clearly, we were doing big things for our country. I’d stop by and chat for a little bit.

I had gone through a recent break up due to cheating on my boyfriend because he gave me permission. My boyfriend was totally gay, but we were best friends. He gave me a free pass, because he wouldn’t have sex with me, and I took it. Apparently, he didn’t think I’d do it, and then was mad when I did it. He wasn’t even attracted to me. That’s gotta be one of the weirdest relationships I’ve ever had.

So my first steps into adulthood and I was learning that relationships were more complicated than I could have ever anticipated. Like, how am I finding these weird ass relationships? I had a traditional thought of relationships. You date, meet “The One”, get married and have kids, then live happily ever after. A naive thought, I’d discover over the years.

But this guy, he was different. He wasn’t married, wasn’t gay, but was lonely. We hung out a couple times, and our hangouts were becoming more frequent. I knew he wanted to date me, but I wasn’t ready for it. We started having casual sex. He was the absolute sweetest. He opened doors for me, had a little country boy accent. He was something I never would have expected to be remotely interested in. I wanted a rock star. A guy with black hair, dark eyes, tattoos, and eyeliner. No joke. I pretty much fell in love with opposite.

Like all relationships, this one did not come without its struggles. The first struggle being the fact that I had to get my head out of my ass and realize that someone amazing wanted to be a part of my life. So I did. December 2011, we started dating. I fell in love fast. Within a week of dating, I knew that I was going to marry him. Don’t ask me how or why, I just looked at him in the car and felt it. I was like “Oh shit.” And I didn’t necessarily want to marry him at that point, but something telling me inside said I was.

Everybody’s got a dark side, or some sort of downside. We’re only human. We’re bound to make mistakes and keep making them. Hell, if I don’t make a mistake at least once a day, it doesn’t feel like an actual day. If I’m not fucking things up on the daily, something’s seriously wrong.

With this particular one, he was hung up on his ex who was the girl that used to be in my class. She was back in the states. Why are they always hung up on their exes? I mean, let’s talk about this. Does any man actually move on from someone they loved? Or do they secretly pine away for the ex before. Over the years, I have completely moved on from exes. I’ve learned to completely detach myself from past relationships. These men could stand to learn a few things.

THERE IS NOTHING WORSE THAN LETTING AN EX INTO YOUR CURRENT RELATIONSHIP.

Like for fucking real. Honestly, it’s worse than letting a new person into your relationship. I literally would rather be cheated on with a new bitch I’d never heard of, than someone I know full-well who they are and how you felt about them. We girls always have that comparative insecurity. We compare until we’re blue in the face.

SO IF YOU WANT A FUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP, MAKE SURE YOUR MAN KNOW TO KEEP HIS STUPID FUCKING EX AND HER CUNT FACE OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP NOW.

And this, my friends, is where crazy starts.

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