11. An unlikely alliance.

This was the first time I’d spoken to Hannah since I manipulated her into talking my husband about divorce. This girl, she was the start of it all. She was married to a guy I remember my husband talking about when he talked of their past relationship. She had two children, a boy and girl, just like me. Her situation was very similar to mine. She was about the same size as me, post-baby. She was married, had two kids. I couldn’t understand why my husband had chosen to ruin our marriage over this.

She was exactly the same as me. She wasn’t any skinnier, any prettier, just equal. Why then, why did I get cheated on? How was this better? I still won’t ever know.

Hannah was surprisingly kind to me. She let me tell her everything and I was bawling my eyes out, missing my kids. I was in total shock. And she comforted me.

That day marked the start of a very interesting friendship. Not good mind you, but interesting for sure. Hannah took me in. I ended up calling the cops to see my kids. And one of the worst things anyone has ever told me was said.

I can only assist and ask if you can see your kids. I cannot force them to let you. In the State of Oklahoma, if there is no custody agreement with the parents and you are married, the person who physically has the kids, can keep the kids until a court order is made.

And there it is. I couldn’t get them back. He let me in though, to see my babies. They were taking a bath. They were so excited to see me. I held them, wet and all, and cried. I told them how much I loved them and how Mommy was so excited to see them. It had been two days without seeing them. That is the longest I had ever been without my children.

My children were the other half of me. Without them, I felt so confused and disoriented. When I had to leave, I begged Kyle not to do this. He said he’d let me know when I could see them again. I’d never seen him so cold-hearted. This was a new low.

My heart was a wreck. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know any legal stuff. I didn’t have money. I didn’t know how to adult. The military and my husband always took care of me. My parents did not prepare me for the evil I was enduring.

Everything I had ever learned was useless to me now. The kind of person I was, was naive. I was brought to love everyone, believe the best in everyone. And that, that my friend, was my downfall.

I cried day and night. Every time I looked at Hannah’s kids, I started crying. I’d sit there in their empty nursery and just cry. I could barely eat. I felt so sick, every second of the day. I’d blow up my husband’s phone and messages. I wanted my kids back. I was in a living nightmare.

Nobody knew what to do to help me. I was meeting new people, but I couldn’t care less. To make matters worse, my daughter’s first birthday was coming up. Yes, my husband and his horrible family took my kids from me three days before my baby girl’s birthday.

I didn’t get to plan anything for her. I didn’t get to do her hair. I didn’t get to pick her birthday outfit. She didn’t get a party. I didn’t get to make her first birthday cake. I used some of the money I had to buy her a few birthday presents. My husband was allowing me to see her on her birthday. I got to see her for two hours.

Let that sink in.

My only daughter was turning one. And I got to see this beautiful baby girl I gave birth to for two hours. TWO FUCKING HOURS.

I made the most of every minute I had with my children, even if it wasn’t long. They had all the power, and I was defeated. I didn’t have money for a lawyer. But I could get a job. And that’s exactly what I did.

Maybe a day or two after my daughter’s birthday, I was in the shower when someone knocked on the door. I had been served with divorce papers and a summons to court in February.

He had filed. Everything we had agreed on. The whole reason I came to this stupid fucking state to begin with. Because I felt that our children should have both parents. Stupidest fucking decision. Because I had a heart.

And he was heartless. I could not believe I had married this man. Worse than that, I had children with him. I knew he was an asshole sometimes, but not this. I never would have thought.

And that’s the thing. I don’t think. I keep expecting good out of people, when all they are filled with is shit. Just lies, manipulation, and an intense need to see me suffer. You’d think a girl would learn.

Since I was losing my shit without my children, I made some sexually questionable decision. Cue: My first threesome.

I’ve come to realize that I’m pretty petty, in a demented sort of way. Where it doesn’t necessarily hurt people directly, but only I see think it’s funny and feel vindicated inside. For instance, I decided it’d be great to have a threesome with Hannah and her husband. They wanted it, and I was like why not? Why not fuck the girl that ruined my marriage and her husband who fucked my exhusband over as well. Suuuuper twisted, but I didn’t give a shit. The three of us slept in the same bed anyway.

It was interesting. Not my best threesome. Yup, and not my only one either. But I digress. Hannah and I went out to the bars for the first time and we stumbled into a place where we met some pretty interesting people. These guys were part of a local metal band and they invited us to a show in the city.

Hannah didn’t end up going, but I managed to find a ride with the band and went up to the show. I remember watching them play and it was awesome. A little breather from the hell that I had been leaving. I had my eye on this cute boy that was doing sound. He kept looking at me and mouthing words and flirting with his eyes. You know what I’m talking about. He and his friend were sitting there doing sound and it was nice to see someone making eyes at me. He got a phone call, and he had to leave. He walked by me and said, “Have a good night,” and then left.

I had wished I’d given him my number. I don’t generally do that sort of thing. Like, ever. I got married young. All of this shit was new to me. So I plucked up the courage and walked over to his friend. I gave him the slip of paper and told him to give it to his friend. He gave me a smile and put his hand over mine, looked me in the eye, and said he would.

Funny enough, that particular guy had appeared on my Facebook suggested friends and I instantly recognized him from the concert. I wanted to befriend people in the local music scene, and I also wanted to find out if he gave the guy my number. So I messaged him, he accepted my request and we chatted for a bit.

I asked him if he ever gave his friend my number, and he said he did, but his friend had a girlfriend. Why was he flirting then? Meh, whatever. So I started talking to him instead.

We talked about the music scene. He said he was thinking about going into music production at the local community college. It was really nice talking to a guy about music. It was different. We had similar ambitious and were connecting.

 

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