I spoke to a lawyer on base about my divorce situation. I asked him generally what happens to the kids in a military divorce. He said that they usually go with the non-military parent for deployment purposes and what not. We weren’t wanting to go to battle though. My husband and I were on mutual agreement that it just wasn’t working out.
We even tried to explore other avenues. I guess it was me more so than him. He knew that I was looking in other places for people, and he was too, more so on the internet. There was a girl that I was really interested in. The only woman I have ever met that I could have dated. I just don’t see girls in a relationship. I can have sex, but I’m just not emotionally compatible with a woman. But this girl, there was something special about her.
My husband encouraged me to go after her, and I tried, but it was a big complicated situation that caused way too much drama. My husband and I were still having a good relationship, but more like a friendship and we happened to have kids together. We were still having sex, but it was more out of comfort than a need for each other.
Looking back, I can say that I definitely shouldn’t have handled it the way I did. I had a feeling that he had slept with someone, but he told me he didn’t. I was completely honest with him about what I was doing. So I guess you can argue that I cheated on my husband, but he knew. We had decided it was okay, even though we hadn’t physically filed for divorce.
Turns out, because of a government shutdown, my husband could not crosstrain and had to get out of the military at the end of his enlistment that year. So he would be returning to his home of record. I had said to him that instead of me taking the kids, I would move to his state, which I’d never been in, so long as he would help me get on my feet. This way, I didn’t feel like a monster who took her kids’ father away. This is what was best for my children. It wasn’t their fault we didn’t want to be married.
He suggested once that he take our son and I take our daughter. I told him absolutely not. I would not split my children. For one, they have a huge bond to each other. Secondly, how the fuck would my son feel knowing his mom only took his sister? And vice versa? Hell the fuck no. I would not do that to them.
So come November 2013, we packed up our family and moved from Japan to Oklahoma. We had to stay with his family, whom I had never met. He always hated his mom his whole life. He said she was a bipolar psycho. She was abusive and that was the reason he moved out so young.
When I met her, she seemed nice enough. She loved the kids, and did shots with me like the first night I was there. We even took my daughter and went shopping with her, while my husband took our son and his dad. She asked me about us getting a divorce and asked if there was any chance of it working out. I told her about Hannah. She remembered Hannah. She absolutely hated her. Something we had in common. One of the few.
Things were okay. We celebrated Thanksgiving with my husband’s family. I was struggling a bit, being as I was trying to parent my children in someone else’s house. My daughter was not sleeping well in her pack and play, so she was screaming a lot during the night. I could tell his parents were irritated, but there wasn’t much I could do. They didn’t offer to help or anything, not that I necessarily needed it. She was just a tough baby.
My mother had a heart attack and I had no way to contact her. My husband was off buying himself a phone, but didn’t think of me at all. He suddenly decided that he didn’t have to pay for me anymore. His parents got him a good deal on a vehicle and helped him get a job. I, on the other hand, had applied to a nearby place, but didn’t get the job.
I was growing more and more stressed with the living situation. I was used to it just being me, my husband, and my children. I could tell his mother was critiquing my parenting and it was pissing me the fuck off. She started limiting how much juice my son had and when he could have a snack. That made me angry, but she was paying for it, so what could I do.
I had to use the house phone to call my mother and check up on her. She had her second heart attack and I was worried for her. So much, that I was crying a lot. I didn’t want to be in Oklahoma. I wanted to go home. I was uncomfortable in someone else’s house and it was becoming awkward. I started noticing all of things my husband said he hated about his mom. She was the biggest control freak I had ever met. I watched my husband give in to her every request, just so she would shut up.